"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
04/03/2015 at 10:46 • Filed to: None
3
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"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
04/03/2015 at 10:46 • Filed to: None | 3
| 2 |
My friends and I have a tradition of seeing all the F&F movies in a big group. F&F movies are dumb, but since the first one came out when we were but young bucks with our first cars, all of us were kinda like, "this is cheesy and inaccurate, but it speaks to me , man."
I won't spoil anything for you, but here are some general points:
There are many, many action set pieces, set up by mostly incomprehensible nonsense plot. For example:
Massive worldwide surveillance programs created by hackers can fit on USB flash drives, and for some reason a billionaire Jordanian prince who lives in Abu Dhabi ends up with that flash drive running something or other in his !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , and our heroes need to recover the flash drive from the car in order to complete their mission, and the only opportunity to get at the car is during a party with gold-painted gogo dancers wearing gold thong bikinis. But the Jordanian prince's security guards are all women wearing Muslim headdresses, for modesty, except for Ronda Rousey in a dress and weird eye makeup. This prince is very conflicted about modesty.
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
And that's just the setup for one of the crazy action sequences.
There are a slightly ridiculous number of closeup shots of women shaking their asses in thongs. I suppose that's the best you can manage for PG-13.
While the series has become increasingly not about car tuning, the few remaining attempts at car technical jargon are of course inaccurate.
Vin Diesel just knows that some guy in an Audi R8 who Leti is about to race will "fry his pistons after the first 200," just from looking at the guy. And wouldn't you know it, just before the end of the race, the R8 blows up its engine. Too soon, Junior.
Vast multitudes of vehicles are destroyed. I lost count of how many Dodge Chargers they went through.
The only people who get to drive a non-American car are Paul Walker and Jason Statham. Paul Walker drives a WRX STI hatch, an R35 GTR, and a MkIV Supra. Jason Statham drives a Jaguar F-Type, Maserati Ghibli, some military assault vehicle combined with a Baja 1000 racer thing, and an Aston Martin Vanquish. Oh, and a band of paramilitary henchmen who kidnapped the hacker who made the all-seeing surveillance device that fits on a flash drive have a bunch of Mercedes G-Wagens and W220 AMG S-Classes. They probably used W220s because they're so cheap on the used market and lots of them got destroyed for the movie.
Vin Diesel fights someone using giant wrenches as swords.
There are multiple cameos from minor-to-not-minor characters from previous entries in the series.
Medical science is completely ignored throughout the movie.
Kurt Russell really likes Belgian beer.
Even though the plot is entirely ridiculous, things don't slow down long enough for you to worry about it.
So yes, it is entirely dumb, but I had a fun time. Enjoy!
JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
> Textured Soy Protein
04/03/2015 at 11:32 |
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did the same thing last night with my friend anf the local car group!
One big thing you left out was how beautiful the tribute to Paul was at the end. Truly one of the best ive seen.
but yeah, I didnt know michael bay was involved in furious 7!
Tripper
> Textured Soy Protein
04/03/2015 at 12:03 |
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Tribute to Paul Walker was nice, but that tribute also made me realize that Mia has had a TON of plastic surgery! She barely looks like the same person. I prefer OG Mia.